With Japan being approximately 4,500 miles, 11 mind-numbing
air hours, and 1,256,832 cartwheels away from Los Angeles,
the development of our culture seems so far behind. It's
bad enough that the small island nation has technology beyond
our years. In fact, I heard the Japanese already have flying
Honda Civics hovering over Tokyo, entire sushi meals in
tiny capsules, and dogs that refer to
their masters by first name. More importantly, they are
light years ahead of us in car tuning.
Although Los Angeles is the hub for the import-car culture
in the States, Japan is the virtual car tuning mecca of
the world--and Alabama is still trying to figure out how
to apply flying-robot graphics. Our deep fascination with
the Land of the Rising Sun has glorified the country into
one untouchable oasis. Yes, the Japanese boast helmet-wearing
kamikaze pilots that nearly vanquished a whole state and
crazy TV shows that put Jackass to shame, but all in all,
it is merely a small island--until of course this Nissan
Skyline first laid its rubber on the pavement.
It's amazing how one car can incite so much excitement;
I'm surprised people haven't started naming their kids Skyline,
Nissan, or
RB26DETT. This car is the main reason we're so behind in automotive
technology. Japan has been tuning and perfecting this car
since 1957, and here we are gawking at every Skyline as
if it was a panty-less cheerleader. I can just hear the
tuners in Japan laughing out loud on their hovercraft skateboards
while calling friends on their 3-inch color cell phones
saying, "Them Americans just ain't right. Now what's
for supper?" As we
continue to get lambasted by other nations because of our
technological shortcomings and our anachronistic tuning
methods, they continue to create Skylines so amazing we
can't help but look under their skirts.
And since there's no better leader in looking under
skirts than this magazine, let's take a gander at the Xanavi
Nismo Skyline GT-R. What else in this world can be more
in tune than Nismo tuning a Skyline? Perhaps Ben Affleck
and Jennifer Lopez but that relationship will only last
for another two months if it's not already over. Maybe George
W. Bush and his Axis of Evil theory, but since Dubya is
as valid as the gum under my shoe and probably doesn't even
know what "axis" means, that pairing is as un-tuned
as the hamster in his head.
Therefore, a Nismo-Skyline combination is the only in-tune
pairing this side of the Milky Way. Throw in the monetary
support of Xanavi, and you have a recipe for an automotive
money shot. Now get off your hands and knees, and let us
explain to you who Xanavi is and what kind of damage this
Skyline is capable of doing.
Xanavi is Japan's leading provider of Navigational Systems,
helping the Japanese find shorter routes to bura-sera vendors
and fugu restaurants. According to Xanavi's president and
CEO, Osamu Numata: "We are challenged to meet the need
for more creative products through marketing and full usage
of fast changing electronic technology." But this is
what he really meant to say: "We know what we're doing
and the Americans don't. This one's for Hiroshima, beeeeyatch!
Now, what's for supper?" With the help of Nismo, this
Skyline is more deserving of a nuclear symbol than the publication
before you because: 1) It's
a freakin' Skyline. 2) It's a Japanese-tuned freakin' Skyline.
And 3) It races in the All-Japan Grand Touring Car Championship
(JGTC) under the GT500 class.
Like the Lakers to Staples Center and the Red Sox to
Fenway Park, the Xanavi Nismo Skyline's home is in the JGTC,
the preeminent racing series in Japan. The JGTC consists
of two classes that field vehicles of the same horsepower--GT500
(500hp) and GT300 (300hp). The series just finished its
ninth year this past November and is gearing up for the
2003 season later in March, beginning with Round 1 at the
2.3-mile TI Circuit Aida in Okayama, Japan. The
2002 points champions--the Esso Toyota Supra (GT500) and the
ARTA A'PEXi MRS (GT300), our November car--will be defending
their trophies against teams like the Mobil 1 NSX, au Cerumo
Supra, and Daishin Advan Silvia. This year, however, the
Esso Toyota Supra's main adversary in the GT500 class will
be this Xanavi Nismo Skyline GT-R (Note: The car featured
here is the
2001 model, which differs from the model driven in the
2003 JGTC season extensively - ed).
Covered in a dark blue and silver design, this GT-R
cannot only bring about eternal reflection about your already
wretched life that consists of methodically driving back
and forth to work in your lowered Hyundai Excel, but it
can also funnel you through a series of life altering sensations,
starting from First gear and ending with your skull flattened
on the headrest. Piloted by Tetsuya Tanaka and Michael Krumm,
the Xanavi Nismo Skyline pushes the
RB26DETT engine to its maximum capacity, although midway through
the 2002 season, Nismo
experimented with a twin-turbo
VQ
engine. At approximately 500hp, the famous engine has a 10:1 cylinder
compression and an 87.0 x 77.7 bore and stroke. No wonder
tuners get epileptic seizures every time this Skyline roars
by at sonic-boom speed; I thought it was just the cartoons
or the panty-less cheerleaders taking a toll on the sexually
frustrated.
I guess it's also no surprise that everything holding
together this monster is made out of carbon fiber. The entire
body kit and hood is manufactured by a Nismo carbon composite,
which indicates that this car is as light as Al Roker after
the operation. The AP Racing 5.5-inch carbon-fiber triple-plate
clutch is a must-have if you plan on putting a lot of horsepower
to the ground. I believe the only things in the exterior
that aren't made out of carbon fiber are the wheels, tires,
and windows. Since Japan has always been on technological
binges, I wouldn't be surprised if they carbon-fibered those
aforementioned products in the near future.
Delivering the Skyline to every corner are some 18-inch
Rays Engineering TE37s. Bridgestone rubber surrounds these
ultra-light wheels on both the front and the rear. Consequently,
Eibach springs and Dynamic shock absorbers govern the wheels,
while AP Racing's ventilated disc brakes offer quick decelerations
for stopping short on uncompromising women. Last year, the
Skyline's fastest time on the TI Circuit Aida is 1 minute,
28 seconds--a whole second faster than the Esso Supra. Further,
this super machine can probably reach up to 200mph on long
straightaways and Japanese police chases. All of this speed
is attributed to
Autech Japan's pistons and cams. In fact, the company went
out of its way to throw in the piston rings for good measure.
Xanavi and Nismo definitely outdid themselves with this
Nissan Skyline. Already a super machine by origin, the added
essentials and tuning expertise to compete in the JGTC has
made this the Skyline supreme. One cannot fully realize
the greatness of this car until one has actually sat on
the Mooncraft seat and put the X-TRAC sequential transmission
into gear. Because once you hear and feel the six-cylinder
roar, witness all the umbrella clinging women smiling at
you, and watch the crowd standing on its feet to cheer you
on, only then can you call yourself alive. In the meantime,
just pretend you're in Japan smelling the sweet ambrosia
that is the bura-sera panty and riding the Skyline at 225mph
on the speedway--just make sure you don't let anyone hear
you make "zoom-zoom" noises in your cubicle.
©
Super Street
